I got up and went for a walk this morning, trying to make up for having an M&M McFlurry last night I guess. Didn’t help much, still weighed in more than 4 lbs up from last week. I don’t get it. I even mowed the grass yesterday, but to no avail.
So why do I continue to torture myself with the weekly weigh in? I know that at one time (like when I was actually losing weight) the chart was motivational. I was losing steadily so whenever I did have a bad week I could look back at my progress and tell myself that at least I was heading in the right direction. Now, as I have been stalled for almost 2 years, I don’t feel so inspired.
I really hate trying to squeeze into my pants, the inevitable panty-line stretched wide across my ass like a lit up beacon telling anyone who might notice “hey this girl really needs some larger pants, who does she think she is anyway?” I have begun to wear the most shapeless garments I can find, even though they make me look HUGE so I end up hating myself all day anyway. I can’t win in a fight with my fat self psyche, it’s just not going to happen.
I started this blog to try and find out why I make myself miserable in the name of addiction and obsession, and thought that maybe I might help some other lost soul in the process, one who had inadvertently come across this blog quite by accident but who felt that they could relate.
Now I am not so sure I can continue. Who really wants to ready my crazy rants against my weight. I am sure that most if any that have come across the site have already written me off as a loony, but I just know there have to be others out there like me.
Where are you? Can you help?
